


The Things I Can't Say To Your Face - Wolfstar

by writing_out_my_inner_voices



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Family Abuse, Fifth Year, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Fifth Year, Lack of Communication, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mental Health Issues, Mention of Child Abuse, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Please Be careful, Slow Burn, just some heavy stuff, remus lupin - Freeform, sirius black - Freeform, tw child abuse, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-04-12 11:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19130686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writing_out_my_inner_voices/pseuds/writing_out_my_inner_voices
Summary: Sirius Black has no idea how communication works, but teenage angst is one hell of a motivator to get him started in finding out.





	1. Chapter 1

Okay, it was official. Emotions, feelings, all of that garbage, sucked.

Sirius had sat down at the fireplace, staring into shifting embers and weak flames for the past hour, the fire ceasing to die much like his boiling irritation.

Remus had abandoned him to go on a date with ...oh what's her name, whoever she was, and as nice of a girl as she was, as _perfect_ as she was, Sirius felt hurt.

Why did it matter? Why did Remus have to pick tonight to go and not one that Sirius had detention for? That was the considerate thing to do.

His annoyance was tinged with a bit of hurt, a bit of longing to have his friend nearby, talking sense to his idiotic thoughts. Sirius quickly stamped the hurt feelings down to let the anger cascade over them, and scuffed his foot against the carpet, a deeper pout settling on his lips.

James was out with Lily, Peter was out spending time with Mary Macdonald, and Sirius...was here. Alone. Bored. Angry. Hurt. Sad.

He stood up, ignoring the lingering sadness that dragged at his mind, and pulled out his wand to rekindle the fire, settling when it roared to life and nearly took his face out with it. He almost wished it had, his eyebrows scrunching in annoyance before he reluctantly moved back to sit down on the couch.

The sound of the dormitory portrait opening had him flailing up to his feet, then sitting, then moving to 'lounge' on the couch, appearing casual as _surprise, surprise,_ Remus walked into the dormitory. He smiled a bit at Sirius and waved, which was met by Sirius narrowing his eyes and looking back at the fire pointedly.

He could almost _hear_ Remus' face fall, and felt the slightest twinge of relief that Remus felt bad. Even if it was overlooked by the guilt he felt at making his friend worry. 

Remus came over to him, sat down on the couch, or would have, if Sirius had moved his feet to let him. So Remus instead, hovered, and then awkwardly perched on the corner of the couch and watched Sirius. Sirius didn't look over at him and just glared into the fire.

"...Alright, are you upset that I went out with Anna?"

Sirius' lips pursed just a bit more, his eyebrows scrunched further, and his grey eyes narrowed, but he didn't voice the words bubbling in his chest.

"Wow, alright, okay, well, if you _are_ upset about that, can you tell me? Please?"

Sirius felt the words bubble up just a bit too close to the surface, felt them almost leave his lungs, and he glanced at Remus. Then shifted off of the couch and moved over to one of the comfier seats. Remus stared at him, perplexed, maybe the slightest bit of amusement in his eyes, and then sighed.

"...She kissed me."

"WHAT?"

"There we go. Now you're looking at me."

Sirius, now staring with wide eyes down at Remus, having jumped to his feet in a rush of annoyance and anger, hissed out a curse word at Remus and glanced away again. Remus smiled bitterly, then moved to actually sit down on the couch.

"You're such a git."

"I didn't think you'd wait up for me, I'm sorry. I thought you had essays to write-"

"I did."

Sirius' voice was somber, nearly to the point of monotone, and Remus blinked at it, the sudden hoarse but distant tone had him settling a bit, amusement fading. God, Sirius hated sometimes how damn observant this tall, lanky idiot was.

"...And what happened to the essays?"

"They're done and ready for classes tomorrow."

His response was still distant, and his eyes found their way to the fire again. Remus focused in on him, and waited for Sirius to speak again.

"And what happened with Anna and the kiss?"

He noticed the slight head tilt Remus gave him at the blatant hostility in his question.

"She never kissed me. She's my friend, I'm her friend. We were studying."

"Is that what they're calling it nowadays?"

"Pads."

Sirius glanced back over at him, and Remus outstretched an arm to the side, and Sirius, reluctantly, huffed and moved over to settle near him and leaned back, letting the other half hug him. Remus sighed softly, closing his eyes for a moment, and then looking at the other teenager.

"She's a friend, Sirius. I'm not interested in her."

"Maybe you're not but she is."

"Sirius, she's gay."

Sirius' head whipped to the side to look at Remus, who was looking at him in amusement again.

"...Well, then, I mean-"

"Sirius..."

Sirius stubbornly tried to avoid eye contact but only did so well before glancing at Remus again, now looking less pouty and more...ashamed. Remus' fingers delved into his hair and Sirius shivered a little and leaned into the contact.

"Why did you get so upset? I've been on dates with girls before, did you really miss me that badly?"

Sirius swallowed carefully and then shrugged up out of the hug, Remus watching him, exasperated. Sirius struggled, debated, wanted to make the words come out, but his throat closed off and his heart pattered frantically and his mind raced whenever he got close to those specific words.

_I like you._

_I have feelings for you._

_I want you to go out with me, not her._

"Of course I missed you, idiot. I could have saved so much time on homework by copying yours."

The excuse was weak, Sirius knew that, and glancing at Remus, he knew Remus knew it as well. Remus actually sat up, and when Sirius tried to flail up to his feet again, Remus caught his arm and kept him sitting. Sirius stared at his hand, then at his face for a brief second, then at the carpet again.

"Sirius-"

" _Remus._ "

Remus didn't smile this time and Sirius sighed softly, shaking his head as he was observed. When Remus spoke again a couple of minutes later, his tone was soft, gentle, guiding.

"Tell me why you're upset."

Sirius had heard that tone before, had been soothed by it before. But this was different, and now that he thought about it, the hand on his arm was different too. His grip was firm, but Remus was rubbing circles against his arm. Sirius glanced over and lost his voice and breath all in one go, because Remus was far too close to him, nearly nose to nose with him, and those light brown eyes were watching him intently, warm and inviting. Sirius could nearly feel the blood rushing to his face, and his lips parted and his eyes glanced down in a flash to Remus' lips, back up, then away. His words jumbled before they got out of his throat, and a soft, shaky little whimper escaped him in reply.

"Remus, please don't-"

"It's okay, Sirius. You're safe. You're here. It's okay. Please tell me...please tell me why you're so upset I went on a date tonight..."

The tone was different again, and Sirius glanced at Remus, saw the knowing look in his eyes, and tugged out of his grip, stood up, and darted to the other side of the room, staring at the floor with wide eyes as tears flooded and spilled down his cheeks. He flipped around and dodged back when he heard Remus stand up and walk towards him, Sirius felt his body shift defensively, shoulders hunched, chest tight, fingers curled into fists. 

Remus was calm, pausing when the other panicked, hands held out in surrender and calming, eyes wide and focus entirely on his panicked friend.

Sirius stared at him, lips trembling, vision blurring, body shaking like he had been dunked in ice cold water and then had a breeze rush by him. He shook his head, glaring again at Remus.

"I can't tell you, Remus. I can't. I'm not. I won't. I-'

"Why can't you tell me, Sirius? It'd be so much easier than struggling-"

"Because I can't handle knowing how you feel! I can't handle knowing how I feel! I don't want to feel any of this because it's a fucking ocean and I'm drowning."

Remus went silent, eyes wide and body going a bit rigid as he froze, mulled that over. Sirius stood there, ready to panic and run, ready to bolt as far away as his legs, or Padfoot, could carry him. But not with Remus watching.

The portrait door swung open again, and Remus flinched, glancing over at the door as a number of students scrambled in, robes flying everywhere from being soaked by rain. 

Sirius bolted, hidden by the group of students and robes, and escaped out of the portrait, down the hallway, and towards...anywhere else besides the common room that housed the beautiful werewolf boy with far too kind of eyes. They were far more kind than he deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!   
> Leave kudos if you enjoyed!  
> Yell in the comments if you need to express how you feel!  
> Bookmark this work to make sure you know when it updates!
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr, my username is whisperswritingandsuch, to come by and chat with me and see how my writing process is going!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is about as stubborn avoiding interaction as Remus is about getting answers.

_I regret my life choices, but I stand by them._

Those were his waking thoughts as his back ached in protest, having fallen asleep against a shelf and a broom in a tiny cupboard on the other side of the school. 

Where Remus proved to be persistent in wanting answers the night before, Sirius was about twice as stubborn in not giving them. Instead of sleeping in the dormitory that night after everyone had fallen asleep, like a normal person, he avoided potential conflict in the form of warm, brown eyes.

He instead, like a distraught teenager, crept down hallways and argued in whispers with grumpy portraits until he found himself a secluded broom cupboard to hide away in. 

The next morning had Sirius staggering into the dormitory, loudly, washing his face and brushing his teeth, getting dressed, and heading down to the Great Hall for breakfast. He could feel James, Remus, and Peter sleepily staring at him as he left, their questions hitting the door unanswered as it slammed shut behind him.

"Where have you been?" 

"What were you doing?" 

"Why are your clothes covered in dust?"

By the time classes ended that day, the Marauders had seen only a passing glance of their young raven-haired friend, and Sirius hadn't explained to anyone where he had been or was going, and was now hiding away under a tree by the lake. 

On one hand, he wished the giant squid would reach out and drag him to the bottom of the lake and drown him. On the other hand, he wanted the earth to swallow him whole so he didn't have to face Remus in the slightest.

His chest ached, his heart ached, his soul ached, and he was nowhere closer to figuring out what he wanted or needed to do. He knew he was upset Remus went on the date, knew that having Remus so close last night had him jittery and terrified at the same time. 

He knew that his heart hammered up into his throat and his fingers shook and the warmth of Remus' eyes did more to warm his heart than the dying fire.  
Sirius shook his head, an irritated scoff falling out of his lips. He stayed where he was, he had enough of walking for the day, and the quiet was more than welcome-

"Sirius?"

A swear word, followed by undignified flailing resulted in him standing up and brushing grass off of his uniform before whipping around to glare at the person intruding on his solitude. His eyes went wide and he huffed after a moment.

"James."

"Wow, don't greet me with so much excitement, I can't handle it. I might die."

Sirius rolled his eyes and he saw James smile a bit out of the corner of his eye. James moved over to him, clapped a hand on his shoulder, and then sat down. Sirius stared at him for a moment, then hesitated before sitting down again as well.

"You're not here to drag me back to the castle?"

"Nope."

"Why are you here?"

"I wanted to grace you with my presence."

Sirius shoved James and the other laughed, straightened his glasses, and leaned back on his hands, his expression falling into a more somber look. He glanced at Sirius, and Sirius pointedly did not look at him.

"But seriously, what's up? You haven't sat with us all day."

"Just needed to get to class."

Even he didn't believe the words that fell out of him, and glancing at James, who was now staring him down over his glasses, with an eyebrow arched, and a disapproving expression, he knew James didn't believe him either.

"So what happened after I left you moping in the common room?"

"Remus came back from his date."

"Oh, lucky Remus, how did you handle that?"

"Handle what?"

That disapproving expression happened again, and Sirius rolled his eyes.

"You look like McGonagall."

That earned Sirius a shove, and he felt himself laugh a bit for the first time all day. A hand found its way to his hair and he nervously dragged fingers through it with a little shake.

"I...got mad."

"Sounds like an understatement-"

Sirius' glared at James and narrowed his eyes.

"He told you what happened?"

James blinked and then rolled his eyes.

"No, he's just been moody as all hell today, and I had to assume you two had a row last night or something."

Sirius looked away again and sighed, pulling his knees up to his chest, and resting his chin on them. James stared, then tilted his head.

"So you did have a row? Did you like the girl...what's her name..."

"Anna."

"So you do like her?"

"I never said that."

Sirius could tell James was getting a bit exasperated and somewhere, deep down, he felt guilty for it. But at the moment, with the mindset he had, he was glad.

"At least tell me what's going on so maybe we can all fix this?"

"Nothing happened, Remus can go out with whatever girls he wants to, it's fine, it's wonderful, him going out on dates with girls who are flouncy idiots and can't string a simple charm together-"

"Well, it wasn't a date."

Sirius looked at James and then rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, that's what Remus said."

"You don't believe Remus?"

"Not with how happy he looked after the stupid d...whatever it was."

James reached his limit, and after one more shove to his shoulder, and a very noticeable roll of his eyes, he stood up.

"Okay, fine, don't talk about it. But you and him had better figure out how to be in the same room together even if you can't figure out how to speak."

Sirius flailed his arms out to the sides and glanced at James' now retreating form.

"What the hell is there to talk about? How much tongue she used?"

Okay, that was a bit rude, but again, Sirius felt the slightest tinge of satisfaction as he got his anger out, only followed by a heavy weight of guilt. He moved to face the lake again and this time, wished the giant squid would just strangle him instead so he didn't have to be in the same room as Remus in the next short while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, everyone! As always, leave kudos if you enjoyed, bookmark if you want updates on this fanfiction and what happens, and leave comments if you enjoyed! 
> 
> Author's Note: Real life took over for a bit and delayed my progress with this chapter, but here it is. Hopefully my schedule won't be nearly so chaotic from here on out.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr, my username is whisperswritingandsuch, to come by and chat with me and see how my writing process is going!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Sirius talk about things.
> 
> TW: for mention of child abuse and mistreatment. Please be careful reading, lovelies.

_Awkward doesn’t even begin to cover this situation._

Sirius _had_ come back from sitting by the lake, and was now in the common room, staring at the parchment in front of him as he dipped his quill in and out of ink without writing anything, He was absolutely no help for the Defense Against the Dark Arts essay they were supposed to be all collectively working on as a group. To make it easier to manage, Lily had suggested, before leaving for Prefect duties, while James had been more than a little distracted and dazed as he watched her go.

He had thought that Remus would stare them down until they _had_ to talk about what had happened the night before. But to be honest, Sirius wasn’t _sure_ what happened the night before. He had been upset at Remus, and lashed out, and had mentioned not being able to handle hearing how Remus felt. 

With the way Remus was focused on his essay and writing all too easily, Sirius had to assume that he didn’t give a fuck at all. If he did give a fuck, he would make a big deal about it, right? Knocking doors open and demanding answers and not letting Sirius breathe at all until they talked? If he liked him at all in a way that wasn’t as friends, he’d make a big deal? Confess and everything? Demand answers? That’s how things worked right?

That was what he was used to, his mother, his father, they hadn’t let him have his space. They had demanded answers and then shamed him for those answers, had bullied him until he relented and revealed his feelings and emotions. In response, he had been punished and screamed at and cursed and locked away in rooms with the family boggart for hours at a time until he learned his lesson.

He felt just as alone and empty as he had been at those moments in his family home, and didn’t notice as his mind faded a bit and he could hear less and less of the common room and James’ and Peter’s arguing near him.

\---

A hand clapped to his shoulder and he jumped, accidentally knocking over the ink pot and spilling it across the parchment. He pulled out his wand, mumbling a quick cleaning spell, then glanced at the person. _Remus. Fuck._

“Want to take a walk? I can’t focus.”

Sirius swallowed carefully and nodded at the other, staring at the warm brown eyes that were watching him intently, and as always, were full of kindness. He set his quill down, made sure he had cleaned up the mess, and with James and Peter still bickering, and his mind whirling with thoughts and such, he followed Remus out of the common room, out into the large hallway.

Either the Prefects weren’t doing their job, or luck was on their side even without the map, but they managed to get out of the castle without being bothered. It wasn’t technically breaking curfew, but it was skating past a few rules that were set in stone and enforced about staying in the common rooms.

As it was, Sirius was lost in his thoughts as they walked, flipping from telling Remus how he felt, to keeping it normal and acting as if nothing happened, to...a million other scenarios that raced through his mind and had him a bit dizzy and exhausted when they finally got into the fresh air. The long walk down to the water had him realizing something, and when they reached the shore, he had made a decision.

Of course Remus was awkward with him that night, he thought Sirius liked him as more than a friend. And Sirius, well, he loved James, Peter, Remus, all more than brothers. It only made sense that Sirius getting jealous might cause a bit of panic. He just had to set the record straight, he just had to show Remus that everything was fine, and that Remus had nothing to worry about when it came to Sirius. 

Because Sirius wasn’t jealous, at least, he wasn’t going to act like he was anymore. Remus deserved to be happy, and that had to be with someone who wasn’t him. Because he was from the House of Black, the family most known for churning out walking mental illnesses than people. Remus couldn’t possibly love him, couldn’t want him, so he had to set the record straight. Literally.

He’d tell Remus there was nothing to worry about and things would be fine. It’d go back to normal, and Remus wouldn’t be panicked, and Sirius would be fine. This was just a moment, he had to not be gay, he couldn’t be gay. That was absolutely impossible. 

\----

Sirius came back to reality, and found himself back by the lake, where Remus sat down and sighed. Sirius hesitated, and finally dropped down as well, pulling his knees to his chest and hugged them as he stared out at the water and the setting sun. He just had to wait for Remus to ask, and then he’d explain, and then things would be fine, and Remus wouldn’t stare at him with that look. They’d be best friends again, and with nothing ruining that bond between them.

It was quiet until it wasn’t, as Remus broke it with words.

“So...how is writing your essay going?”

_What the hell?_

Sirius hadn’t been expecting that question when he heard Remus breathe in to speak, and so, stared at him incredulously. Remus glanced over at him, stared right back, and then managed a small smile.

“Just asking a question, Sirius.”

“Yes, but that one?”

Remus’ smile faltered the slightest bit, and his eyebrows furrowed.

“...Is there another question you were expecting?”

Sirius winced a bit and looked away from him again, letting out a soft breath and ducking his head.

“No. Absolutely not. And the essay is going fine, thanks. How’s yours?”

“I’ve had mine done for a bit, I’m working on a different essay.”

“Oh sod off.”

Remus laughed a bit at that and Sirius got caught up in the soft sound of it, and peeked at Remus when he was sure the other wouldn’t catch him. His gaze traced over Remus’ eyes, the scars on his face that were something he didn’t let the others touch, down to his neck, his shoulders, and the sweater he was wearing. He noticed the way Remus’ hands were splayed back behind him, his legs stretched out in front of him, and the way unruly light brown hair fell in violent waves over his forehead and past his eyes and around his ears.

Remus glanced at him and smiled a bit, and Sirius flinched and looked away, picking at the grass absently.

“Is there anything you want to talk about?”

Remus’ question had Sirius’ shoulders tightening with tension, his eyes focused, trained on the blade of grass he was carefully picking apart piece by piece.

“No.”

_Dammit._

“Alright.”

Sirius peeked up at him and found the bastard watching him with the slightest smile on his lips, and as on edge as he was, he couldn’t help but smile for a moment before rolling his eyes and looking away.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Look at you like what?”

“Like you can read minds.”

“Oh if only.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and Remus smiled back at him, and they sat, the soft brief bout of laughter that escaped them fading to silence again. They watched the water shift and ripple with the slight breeze and activity of the merpeople underneath, and the quiet soon threatened to tear Sirius open.

“Fine, fine. You bastard. So about the other night…”

Remus didn’t look over at Sirius as he spoke, just watched the water, but Sirius saw the way he stilled, almost stiffened, and then grew just that much more alert.

Sirius felt the lump rise in his throat again and he glanced away, fidgeting with the grass again.

“I…”

Remus didn’t say anything, he just stared at the water, perhaps to not startle him or frighten him from saying what he felt he needed to say.

_I love you. I think I love you. I know I love you. I wanted to kiss you that night._

“You could go out with her again if you want, I don’t mind?”

_Shit._

It was Remus’ turn to look incredulously at him and Sirius glanced at him, then avoided his gaze at words fell from his lips before he could stop them.

mostly because I was left alone, and it was stupid to act so upset, so by all means, go out with her again, you seemed happy after the date.”

“Sirius…”

“I mean, you know, I panicked a bit-”

“Sirius-”

“Mostly because I was left alone, and it was stupid to act so upset-”

“Sirius, no, I-”

“So by all means, go out with her again-”

“Sirius!”

“You seemed happy after the date.”

Remus stared at him, wide brown eyes delving deep into his soul until a slight fear rose up that Remus _could_ read minds and Sirius glanced away. He felt it when Remus’ gaze moved away from him and the comfortable silence grew weighted again.

“Okay, Anna _is gay, I promise..._ But...if I did date people, you wouldn’t be upset?”

“Nah, of course not, mate. Want you to be happy. Why’d I be upset by that?”

The words flew out of him before he could stop them, and then a thought settled in his mind.

_People?_

“Wait, you said people?”

Remus shrugged a shoulder and glanced at him.

“Yeah, I mean...yeah.”

Sirius didn’t quite know what to do with _that_ information so he locked it away in his mind to panic about later.

“Alright, no, yeah, date anyone you want. Date whoever you want. Whoever makes you happy.”

Remus looked at him again and Sirius didn’t look back.

“...Happy…”

He wasn’t sure why that single word was the thing to get his attention, but it did, and he looked at Remus, who was staring at him with that warm expression and kind eyes and the slightest frown on his lips. Sirius stared at him, at his lips, and then backpedaled.

“And I swear I won’t freak out about it, I won’t. I promise, I’ll...be fine about it. I just felt lonely and lashed out and I’m sorry but it’s fine if you date. You can date. So date to your heart’s content, there’s loads of people who want to date your sweater-loving, book-loving self.”

Remus’ eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the statement, and then he looked away again, lips pursed, an expression he wore when deep in thought, as Sirius knew all too well.

Rather than stay while Remus mulled over the newfound permissions, Sirius stood up, managing a smile and sucking in a breath as he stretched. Once he was sure his joints had popped and weren’t sore, he clapped a hand on Remus’ shoulder.

“See you back at the common room, yeah?”

Remus didn’t respond except for the slightest nod, and Sirius grinned, figured that was enough of a hint for him to leave, and he made his way back up to the castle, expecting to feel lighter for telling Remus not to worry about dating, that he was free to do so, that there was nothing wrong whatsoever.

Except each step, his heart fell deeper in his chest, the lump in his throat ached, and moisture gathered in his eyes. He sniffed and rubbed hidden tears away, and tried to figure out just why he felt so distraught over seeing Remus with anyone else, and so confused over why Remus seemed so hesitant to take him up on his offer, to finally be free to date people and not be stuck alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not. Leave kudos if you enjoy, bookmark if you want to see when updates happen, and leave comments if you enjoyed. They definitely help motivate me to keep writing. <3 I appreciate you all.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr, my username is whisperswritingandsuch, to come by and chat with me and see how my writing process is going!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is confused.  
> Sirius is upset.  
> James is impatient.  
> Peter is done with the drama, and plays matchmaker.  
> Lily, Dorcas, Marlene, and Mary are recruited to help out with said matchmaking.
> 
> TL;DR: Remus and Sirius are angsty little shits, James doesn't know what to do, but Peter does, and the plotting begins.

The teenage heartthrob known as Sirius Black was giving poor Remus a nasty case of whiplash.

“What the fuck did he mean that loads of people want to date me?”

The girl sitting near him in the near-empty library glanced up and he smiled apologetically and waved off her focus. She looked back at her book, and he just slumped in his seat, exasperated.

He ran a hand through messy light brown curls, warm eyes scrunched and confused with how bizarre things were, and what Sirius had said just a few nights before.

Date anyone?

It’s not that he wanted the freedom, he just...wanted a certain person.

Who, apparently, was as straight as the day was long.

He couldn’t focus on his studies, on reading, on anything. All he could think about was the fact that Sirius Black was straight, and had told him to enjoy dating other people. Other people that weren’t him. 

Remus had nearly lost himself when he heard that, had nearly caught up Sirius by the shirt and kissed him senseless. But he had far more self-control than that, and what he had thought was Sirius being jealous of the girl was really just Sirius missing his friend.

So much for missing, as Sirius had now been avoiding him, and the other Marauders in favor flirting with every girl in sight, and Remus had definitely heard about it secondhand rather than seeing it in person. Which he was grateful for, but seeing the proof of Sirius being absolutely not interested in him would be so much easier than making assumptions. But he wasn’t going to ask Sirius, they had just gotten back on somewhat speaking terms, and he wasn’t about to lose that in favor of demanding Sirius prove he was dating a number of girls instead of Remus.

The moment in the Common Room had been nothing but platonic, and Sirius saying he didn’t want to hear how Remus felt, well, that had to be how Remus felt about the girl hypothetically. A girlfriend for Remus meant less time for Sirius to spend with him, and thus, jealousy.

Unfortunately, it made sense, and it had Remus so angry that for a moment in the Common Room, after Sirius’ outburst after his so-called ‘date’, Remus had thought perhaps, Sirius felt the same about him, and wanted him.

His eyes drifted down to the pale white scars traced over his arms, the backs of his hands, could see every single marred bit of skin in his mind even if he was wearing an oversized jumper to cover the worst of them. Of course Sirius couldn’t love him. For one, apparently, he was straight, and two, Remus was...nowhere near perfect. 

With everything Sirius dealt with, with everything Sirius had to go through with his family, with the Sorting back in first year, with the trauma he had endured, and was still enduring, he didn’t need someone broken to try to help him pick up the pieces. Not when Remus had his own pieces to pick up. 

Not when the rumors of Fenrir Greyback and his ruthless pack growing and attacking magical communities had made their way to his ears through eavesdropped conversations. He doubted the pack was real, since a large number of werewolves would be hard to hide and keep under the radar of the Ministry of Magic. But still, doubt clawed at his stomach, and it had kept him up far later into the night than he had ever meant it to.

With a resigned sigh due to the fact he was getting nothing done, he gathered up his belongings, and left the library to head back to the dormitory, to attempt to get some rest before his next class.

\--

"I'm going to go absolutely batshit."

"I know."

"They're staring at each other all the time."

"I _know._ "

"...They need to tell each other-"

"Prongs, I swear to Merlin, state the obvious one more time, and I'll hex you."

"You wouldn't."

"For some peace and quiet, I might."

Peter glared at James, who was in return, glaring at his very blank roll of parchment as he mulled over the absolute drama surrounding his two best friends. James had been unable to focus on much else because while Sirius had agreed to come back to the common room, he and Remus hadn't spoken or discussed what they needed to, and now, Remus was sulking because he thought Sirius was straight, and Sirius was sulking because he made Remus think he was straight.

James, however, was going to lose his mind over the entire thing, and it wasn't even his problem.

"AGH."

Peter glanced up at James, pausing in his little doodle he was sketching on a spare roll of parchment, more resigned to the situation than his agitated friend.

"You seem more broken up over this than they are, Prongs."

"It's because they're stupid and meant to be together and if I can somehow win the heart of Lily Evans enough that she tolerates my existence, they can figure out that they love each other, dammit."

Peter chuckled a little, and went back to doodling, while James stared at him incredulously.

"Why are you not more upset about this?"

"I'm more upset that you haven't asked the obvious question."

James squinted at Peter through his glasses, and Peter smiled back, cheerful as always.

"...What are you plotting?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Wormtail, I swear-"

"We have to set them up together. So...I'm making a plan."

James looked confused and then...delighted. He moved over to sit next to Peter, looking over his shoulder at the doodle, which he could now see was a very organized, detailed list of what needed to be done, who would do what, and how everything would happen.

"Holy shit, Wormtail."

"You underestimate me."

James shook his head.

"Yeah, obviously. So...what do you have in mind?"

Peter tapped the feather of his quill against his chin and then looked at James.

"I'll tell you...after you get Lily in on it."

James blinked and Peter grinned.

"We need Lily in order to get Marlene's help. And we need Marlene's help to get Dorcas."

"Wait, no, Dorcas would help no matter what. She loves this stuff."

"Yeah, well, I like hanging out with Dorcas. She's nice to me."

"We're not."

Peter gave James a look, and James winced.

"Alright, okay, that's fair. Sorry, mate. We'll try to do better."

Peter shrugged and went back to focusing on his plan.

"Get Lily in on the plan. It's over before it's started unless we have her helping out."

James huffed out a breath of offense, but stood up to go try to find the fiery-haired Prefect somewhere in the halls of Hogwarts.

\--

"Alright, Evans?"

Lily managed to school her expression enough to a neutral sort of frown before facing the very familiar young man leaning casually against the wall.

"It's almost curfew, Potter. You should go back to the Common Room."

James smirked and Lily felt her heart flip a few times in her chest, but her expression remained neutral.

"Look, I can't leave unless you come back with me, Evans."

"I'm not going on a midnight stroll with you, Potter."

James snapped his fingers in disappointment.

"And here I was going to just ask for your help with something."

Lily laughed and shook her head.

"I'm not helping you with anything, unless it's trading your brain with a troll's."

"How would that help?"

"The troll's smarter."

"Ouch, Evans. You wound me. I may die right here from a broken heart."

He slumped down the wall and to the floor and Lily seriously questioned why this absolute brickhead was someone she had been daydreaming about for the past year.

"Then die."

"Evans!"

She had turned to leave, but paused at his desperate call of her name, smiling a bit before facing him with a calm expression.

He was on his knees in front of her now, hands clasped in pleading. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips.

"I'm not marrying you, Potter."

"Not yet, you're not. But you might when you hear what I have planned?"

Lily stared at him, smiling fully now despite her best efforts.

"Do you plan on launching yourself off the Astronomy Tower?"

"Evans, please-"

She laughed a little and finally, nodded.

"Yes, alright, what is it? And if you propose again, I swear, James Potter-"

"Will you help me get Sirius and Remus together?"

Lily stared at him, confusion on her face and eyes wide and her expression...shocked.

"What?"

"Peter has a plan, so it's not me, it won't be obnoxious like I am-"

"So you _know_ you're obnoxious and you still act like-"

"Evans, not now, this isn't about me. Will you and Marlene and Dorcas help?"

Lily sucked in a breath, mulling things over, if the pro's of helping Remus and Sirius get together outweighed the con's of spending hours upon hours with James' godawful flirting, before she finally nodded.

"I will, but only if you don't flirt with me the entire time we're planning."

James' eyes widened and his expression crumpled.

"The whole time?"

She nodded.

"This could take months, Lily!"

"Then I guess you'd better figure out what's more important than."

James' expression grew determined and he stood up, and stuck his hand out to her. She stared at it, then at him.

"Fine. Yes. I'll do it. I won't make any comments like that at all while we're working together on getting Sirius and Remus together."

Lily was...surprised at his quick agreement, and shook his hand. His smile brightened, and then she saw the familiar mischievous twinkle in his eye and pulled her hand back.

"You never said anything about me not flirting with you when we're _not_ planning, Evans."

Lily swore and James beamed at her before hop-skipping off before she could pull out her wand and hex him.

"Later, Evans, I love you more than anything else!"

Lily laughed out in disbelief.

"You're a liar, you love Sirius more!"

James paused in the archway leading back to the stairs and give a rather violent nod of his head.

"Damn right I do! Best remember that when we're married, Evans!"

He vanished through the archway and Lily couldn't drag the smile from her face for hours afterward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and being patient with me! Hopefully with me starting a couple new jobs, I can get a more secure and stable schedule down to bring you more consistent writing of these disaster children.
> 
> But for everyone here, if you enjoyed reading, give kudos! If you liked a certain part of relate or just feel bad for poor Remus and Sirius, the disaster boys, yell in the comments! Last but not least, bookmark this work to make sure you get updates when I post more!
> 
> I love you all and appreciate you. Take care of yourselves. <3
> 
> Also, if you want, follow me on Tumblr! My username is whisperswritingandsuch, to come by and chat with me and see how my writing process is going!


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